The Genesee Diary

I have also been reading a book our friend Connie gave us by Henry Nouwen called "The Genesee Diary: Report from a Trappist Monastery." While this is his diary during the seven months he lived in, you guessed it, a Trappist monastery, many of his insights are relevant to me. They are helping me more fully realize where I lack and what I need to be focusing on during my hike. This first quote touches on one of my goals during our hike.

"I came to the [Appalachian Trail] to learn to live in the presence of God, to taste Him here and now, but there is so much "ego-climbing" going on within me. I have so many [things I want to do, so many skills I want to learn, so many conversations I want to have with people now and later, so many things I want to prove, so many people I want to impress, so many parts of me I want to perfect] that I do not SEE that God is all around me and that I am always trying to see what is ahead, overlooking Him who is so close. From ego-climbing to selfless climbing; that seems a good ideal for my [hike]. But that is a long way and a high mountain." Nouwen was speaking of his stay in the monastery, but his soul searching was so much like my own that I only exchanged his list of struggles with my own. It is so easy for me to forget God's presence and become self-serving. Being out here in the mountains, God can be very easy to see in the moss, trees, bark, fungi, rocks, etc. But it can also be harder to remember His presence when it is raining or cold.
 
There was another quote Nouwen wrote down from his spiritual guide that is also applicable to my own life recently. "What is so good about this part of the country is that it makes you realize that all good things are gifts of God - when the sun is always shinning you forget that it is God's gift, and you don't pay attention anymore." While living in Grand Rapids, everything was so easy. Our first year and a half of marriage was full of peace and happiness. I started feeling like God was far away though, because I wasn't having crises that forced me to turn to Him. I started resenting Grand Rapids as if it was the city's fault that God wasn't in my life as much as before. It wasn't until reading that last quote that I realized the real problem; I wasn't noticing God's presence, but He was still there. My past year and a half in G-Rap has been a huge blessing for me. God knew I needed the rest from turmoil, and He even knew I wouldn't be thankful for His gift at first, but I am so thankful now for His faithfulness.